


Tony Pun-Dragon

by mistrstank (dreamingdarkly)



Series: Tony Stark Bingo 2019 [1]
Category: The Avengers (Marvel Movies), The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: Alternate Universe - Dragons, Alternate Universe - Fantasy, BAMF Tony Stark, Bad Puns, Bucky Barnes Needs a Hug, Bucky is so done, Centaurs, Crack, Dragon Tony Stark, Fluff and Crack, Gen, Gen or Pre-Slash, Hijinks & Shenanigans, Hurt Bucky Barnes, Hydra (Marvel), M/M, Protective Tony Stark, tony why
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-05
Updated: 2019-02-05
Packaged: 2019-10-22 22:21:05
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,567
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17671205
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dreamingdarkly/pseuds/mistrstank
Summary: For Tony Stark Bingo 2019 - Card: T3 - CentaursIn which Bucky is kidnapped by HYDRA worshipping Centaurs, Tony saves the day and Bucky really just wants to know where his life went so very wrong.Oh, and there's terrible puns.





	Tony Pun-Dragon

**Author's Note:**

> My very first TSB Entry guys! Wooo!
> 
> Also, thanks to my beautiful, stunning girl who helped me with these terribly (awesome) puns! [Toni](https://archiveofourown.org/users/wakandan_wardog/pseuds/wakandan_wardog), I love your work.
> 
> Beta'd by my lonesome, so I probably missed something, let's be real. XD

Bucky remembers being told about Centaurs as a boy; graceful half human, half horse hybrids that live peacefully in forests. His ma used to say they were messengers and history keepers, reading the stars for the Gods’ words.

 

The reality of Centaurs is kind of awful, though.

 

They’re ugly, first of all, with sharp, unkempt hooves and patchy fur. Their eyes are cold and dark in harsh featured faces, with teeth far sharper than Bucky thinks a  _ half horse _ should have.

 

“Yer a pretty one.” One of them whispers, lips pulling back in a garish smile. Black nails trace lightly over Bucky's cheek, tug teasingly at the filthy cloth gag cutting harshly at his skin. “HYDRA is going to  _ love  _ you.”

 

Bucky yanks his head away and scrambles backwards in the dirt, hampered by his bound limbs. He's not going to get away, not hogtied like this, but defiance is about all he has left at this point.

 

“You sure we can't eat ‘im? Just a little?” Another calls and grins when Bucky garbles a curse at him.

 

“You can't eat someone  _ a little,  _ Brock. Why do we keep him around? He's an embarrassment to the herd.”

 

_ Oh really,  _ Bucky thinks bitterly.  _ The one that wants to  _ eat me  _ is the embarrassment. _

 

“HYDRA didn’t say they wanted  _ all  _ of him.” Brock grumbles and stamps away, tail flicking disdainfully in his wake.

  
“What use is he with only one leg?” Another Centaur ponders - Bucky’s pretty sure he’s heard the others call him Bob. 

 

The rest of the herd seems largely uninterested in Bucky; they mill aimlessly about the large clearing they’ve decided to stop the night in. Bucky wriggles until his back is flush against the base of a tree and does what he can to get comfortable. It doesn’t look like he’s going anywhere anytime soon, after all.

 

He thinks he should be terrified - after all, he doesn’t know what they want with him or where they’re taking him. But he’s tired and bruised from being slung over a Centaur’s back and tied like a sack of meat while they gallop cross country to Gods know where.

 

Also, he’s apparently been kidnapped by the only Centaurs he’s ever heard of that  _ eat human.  _ So really, Bucky thinks it’s good enough that he can summon a sizeable amount of indignation and bitterness for his lot in life.

 

The Centaurs huddle closer as it gets darker and eventually one of them lights a fire. Bucky is too far away to feel the warmth, but he doesn’t dare move closer where one of them is liable to step on him just for a laugh. He passes the night in shivering misery, torn between the cold nipping at his bones and the hunger clawing at his belly.

 

He wakes the next morning to arguing; the Alpha? King? Bucky isn’t sure of the terms. He’s heard the others call him Pierce, though. Pierce stands over Brock, shoulders up and teeth bared as he growls at the other, smaller Centaur.

“We go North. It’s the fastest route.”

 

“That’s  _ you know who’s  _ territory, Pierce. It’s suicide, is what it is!” Brock stamps his hooves and his fists curl in impotent rage.

 

“Then I suggest you  _ be quiet  _ and we might make it through. HYDRA wants this one immediately, which means  _ North. _ ” Pierce wheels about and takes off, without waiting for Brock’s reply.

 

Bucky lays quietly and puts up only a token resistance when he’s hauled up and slung over Bob’s back. He suffers through the indignity of being lashed to the Centaur’s back and treated to yet another dizzying view of the ground rushing by.

 

Where are they going, and if the  _ Centaurs  _ are so afraid, then what does that mean for him?

 

~x~

 

Bucky passes out, at some point and wakes only when they wake him up to shift him upright. They learned early on they couldn’t spend a day with Bucky upside down without him vomiting all over a very angry Centaur’s withers. His hands are tied together around Bob’s waist, which forces Bucky to hunch against the creature’s human back.

 

Turns out Centaurs somehow smell  _ worse  _ than horses.

 

They’re stopped at the top of a rocky knoll and below them stretches a barren, open plain. Looking at it, Bucky can already see the Centaurs will be slowed down by the amount of rocks and no doubt rabbit hollows dotting the expanse, waiting to trip an unsuspecting horse (or horse- _ man _ ). Brock sidles up next to Bucky, his mouth twisted bitterly. 

 

“You might get lucky, human,” He growls and his eyes are darting between the plain and the sky. “We’ll probably all die before we make it halfway.” 

 

Bucky doesn’t bother to respond, too busy concentrating on his heaving stomach. Honestly, at this point he’d probably thank whatever’s about to kill them. Pierce pauses at the head of the herd for a moment, watching the landscape warily and after apparently seeing nothing, starts forward at a brisk trot. The herd fans out behind him in a wedge formation, with Bucky and Bob placed directly behind Pierce.

 

Brock is right - they don’t make it halfway.

 

It seems to Bucky they’ve barely moved forward when a dark shadow passes over them, and one of the Centaurs on the furthest edge of the formation screams. Bucky turns his head but too slowly; he catches a brief glimpse of something huge and red and then it’s gone. The herd panics and the soldier in Bucky is deeply offended as their lovely formation promptly falls apart.

 

It’s chaos from there and Bucky spins as much as the ropes allow as it suddenly seems there’s screaming  _ everywhere.  _ The wind has picked up, too and it takes Bucky’s brain far too long to connect the rhythmic sound and the huge shadow with  _ dragon.  _

 

By the gods, these fools have walked them straight into  _ dragon territory.  _

 

Bob pulls a dagger from a sheath at his waist and slashes the ropes before wheeling away. Unprepared for the maneuver, Bucky goes tumbling, striking his shoulder painfully against the ground on landing and rolling across several rocks. His arms are still tied together, but at least he’s not trapped to one of the Centaur’s now. The ground is churned beneath him and vibrating as the horse-men scream at each other and gallop in chaotic circles. Bucky’s too afraid to move, but also terrified of being trampled. 

 

He rolls slowly onto his stomach and starts to crawl. Behind him, the screaming slowly peters out and finally stops after an awfully final sounding  _ crunch.  _ The ground shakes as something very large and very heavy lands, and then a moment later that giant shadow looms over Bucky’s shoulder. He closes his eyes and finds that now that it’s here, he’s  _ not ready to die.  _

 

“Centaurs,  _ again. _ ” A voice says, sounding equal parts frustrated and amused. Bucky flops over onto his back and finds himself staring up, up and  _ up.  _ A wedge shaped head hovers above him, tilted to regard him with one bright, very blue eye. Sunlight glints off of brilliant, crimson scales dusted lightly with gold on the underside of its neck and stomach. There’s blood coating the sides of it’s muzzle and when it’s lips peel back from gleaming teeth as long as Bucky’s arm, it takes him a terrifying moment to realise the beast is  _ smiling at him.  _

 

“Again?” Bucky manages to choke out of his constricted throat and really that isn’t the question he wants to ask, but at this point he’s used to things not going his way. 

 

The Dragon chuffs a laugh. “HYDRA followers, think they’re all immortal. ‘Cut one head off and another grows back’. Well, didn’t see any growing back here, did we? No, because I  _ ate them. _ ” The Dragon seems immensely pleased by this.

 

Bucky kind of wants to vomit again. More so when he looks around and realises the Dragon  _ isn’t kidding.  _ “So, are you going to...Eat me, too?”

 

“Well, that really depends.” With a rustling of wings, the Dragon settles down on it’s haunches and starts cleaning it’s face in a way that reminds Bucky of his sister’s barn cat. “Are you going to start screaming at some point? It’s terribly irritating and it hurts my ears.”

 

“No?”

 

“Well then!” The Dragon crows and deftly hooks the tip of one talon through Bucky’s ropes. They fall apart easily and Bucky takes a moment to rub the feeling back into his hands. “Yes, I have quite the  _ talon-t  _ for such things.”

 

Bucky pauses and then stares up at the Dragon, which is definitely grinning at him.

 

“No? Right, then. Well, I’m Tony, and you’re certainly handsomer than the average damsel around here.”

 

Bucky snorts, can’t help it, because what  _ is his life _ ? “Bucky. And you’re certainly bigger than the average lizard.”

 

“Please,” Tony all but purrs. “I can assure you I’m perfectly to scale.”

 

Bucky groans and doesn’t bother to reply. He pushes slowly to his feet and wobbles precariously on legs not used to walking. Tony helpfully supplies a talon for him to grip for balance, his eyes bright and amused. 

 

“So,” Bucky ventures after a while, craning his head up to look Tony in the eye. “What now?”

 

Massive, red and gold wings ripple in a shrug. “Not sure, I don’t usually hang around for this part. Guess we could  _ wing  _ it?”

 

_ “Tony!”  _

**Author's Note:**

> Leave a comment? <3


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